So, here I am, sat in my lovely stark, white box empty apartment on the last night before moving out tomorrow. And it wasn't until just now that I thought, crikey- I've been made redundant, I am one of those stats and I'm moving back to my parents. Now, I want to move back to my parents for a while. They'll be glad to know that I won't be staying FOREVER. (Or maybe I will. *evil laugh*) I think, and I am sure the rents know this, that moving back for a while will do me the world of good. To really get my head straight and focus on something decidedly non stairlift related. The past month has given me thinking space as it is and I'm already much clearer about what I wanna do.
Well. I know- kind of- vaguely what my realistic options are right now, I'm just trying to figure out how to achieve them. I take extreme comfort in the fact that those around me seem to have more confidence in my abilities than I do myself- take my Dad for example- he emails me regularly with jobs that he thinks I'd like- and I hope that he thinks I'm capable of doing- and I've taken it as a compliment that the jobs he has been emailing me are things that look rather challenging- or as I like to think about things like this- really get my teeth into. I used that phrase in an interview this week and the panel looked mildly bemused at my idea of my approach to a hard job- and my enthusiasm for said job. They looked at me like I was a deluded crazed scientist in fabulous heels.
Or the fact that my friends- you know who you are- and my rather fabulous Mum come to think of it seemed totally unfazed by my serious worries about getting another job- to the point where I felt like shouting sometimes- DO YOU NOT READ THE PAPER? OR WATCH THE NEWS? THESE ARE BAD TIMES FOR UNEMPLOYED PEOPLE! Now I hasten to add I have not yet found another job- and have been putting off signing on for as long as possible. Yeah, yeah, I know it's 'free money'- but as soon as I sign on I know I will feel like a failure and to be quite frank- like a sack of good for nothing shit. Depressing thought. I know I'm all about keeping positive and optimistic recently- but there inevitably comes a point when I will think, what the flip will I ever achieve? Does ANYBODY read that application I sent off about 6 weeks ago?
Thing is, for an unemployed person, I am still incredibly busy- and I had the thought the other day- how did I manage to work and fit all this stuff in before the dreaded 'R' word?
I think maybe I'll just sack the lot, and move to Spain and live a totally idealistic life of eating Tapas and having Siestas and drinking far too much Sangria.
Anyone care to join?